I am so focused on showing the kids the world and making sure they learn about other cultures and the history of the world.  I want to show them the mistakes and triumphs of other cultures so they can learn from them.  What I have completely failed to recognize is that I currently live in the center of the American Revolution and the Civil War and I have not exposed my children to ANY of the amazing historical sites around us. All of this started when I was discussing Hamilton on Broadway with a surgeon in the OR last week.  I am taking my mother to NYC this week to see Hamilton and he suggested I take a deep dive into the history before I go.  Then he started telling stories about the area around us.  It was definitely my AHA moment.  I need to use all of these places around us to teach these kids (and myself- I’m from Texas where we spend years learning about Texas history and a few minutes learning about the rest).  Also, there is a little bitty chance we may be moving away in the next few years and I want to be sure we use our time here wisely.

SO- our first educational outing was to Appomattox Court House outside Farmville, VA.  This is the the site of agreement that ended the Civil War.  General Grant of the Federal army has flanked Lee’s southern Confederate army and chased them west for about 100 miles.  Lee and his men were searching for a place to refuel and recharge after a series of defeating encounters.  They were trying to get down to North Carolina to meet up with another large battalion.  Grant had them surrounded by the time they got to Farmville.  Grant tried to destroy the High Bridge to keep Lee’s army from going south but Lee’s army prevented it.  Grant sent a note to Lee asking him to surrender but Lee denied that request.  After a final battle at Appomattox Court House (not a courthouse, although there is a courthouse in this little town, Court House was something small towns in the south would call their county seats) Lee sent word that he was ready to surrender.  Grant allowed Lee to chose the place and the McLean family house in Appomattox was selected.  Lee arrived early in a clean new uniform and Grant showed up in his uniform that was still dirty from battle.  They spoke cordially and the terms were agreed upon.  Lincoln had told all of his generals that he wanted to end this thing with dignity.  He wanted to allow the men of the south to go home to their families so healing could begin, he provided rations for all of the starving southern troops, paroled them, and allowed them to keep their horses. The southern army laid down their weapons and returned home.  This is a lesson in civility that I hope my children understood and I wish our leaders would learn from today.

There were 2 million northern troops and 800,000 Confederate troops. There was a small draft but it was mostly not needed since the vast majority of the troops on both sides were volunteers.  There were exceptions in the south for men who owned more than 20 slaves or a certain amount of land, they could not be drafted. In the north, men could pay other to fight for them.  Most often, they hired black men to fill their spot which is incredibly ironic.  There were 180,000 black troops that served in the Civil War.  One regiment was with Grant and fought along side him in the final battle at Appomattox.  That group was immediately deployed to the southern border of Texas to keep an eye on Texas-Mexico relations and make sure there weren’t any Confederate uprisings in that area after the end of the war.  How incredibly unfair.

There are many quotes from the soldiers on both sides of the war.  It is astonishing to me how many of them mentioned that duty they owe their forefathers and this country and that is their raison d’etre.  They were all so incredibly sure that they were on the right side of history and that they could not live in a world where the other side won.  They spoke of the shame they would bring upon their family if they did not stand up for what is right.  This is another reason looking at history can make us understand what us happening today.  The people we don’t agree with are positive that they are right and we are wrong.  They would die for it.  It stems from how you are raised and where your values lie.

We toured Appomattox Court House and the McLean house.  We watched a short video and walked around the preserved area.  There is no charge to visit the area and many of the visitors are wearing stars and bars.  Some people really believe that the “south will rise again”.  It is a beautifully peaceful area.  We drove to Farmville and rented bikes to ride the high bridge trail.  Judah rode on the back of my bike and Elia rode a tandem bike with Adam. Luca, Dom, and Gom rode their own bikes.  It was a great trip and a good beginning to our historical tour of Virginia.

This weekend I booked our flights to Europe!  At the end of July, we will leave from New York City and fly to Portugal!  The flight is actually to Paris but it stops in Lisbon so we are going to get off there and start our adventure.  That is the plan for now anyway. The total airfare for all six of us was…$650.00!!!!!! I use an app called Skyscanner that allows you to explore from one place to another and find the cheapest flights.  I just looked for any flights from United States to anywhere and scrolled until I found one that was suitable- at $100 per person!  It is on TAP Air Portugal which is a totally legitimate airline.  They serve food and drinks and have seats to sit in- what more could we need?  Now, the checked baggage policy is not great so I have been shopping for the perfect carryons that fit their rules and personal items.  I am thinking rolling carryons with little backpacks for our personal items.  We are VERY light packers, especially when we don’t have to worry about camping items.

I think we will short term lease a car once we get into Portugal and then drive around Europe for three months.  We watched an Amazing Race episode about Marrakesh so Morocco is going to be one of our first stops.  I am so excited about all of this planning! We plan on leaving Richmond right after the kids get out of school and Kamryn graduates.  We will travel up to Baltimore and then around New England and Canada ending our domestic trip in NYC for a few days where my mom will meet us to enjoy the city and pick up the van to take it back to Richmond.  I am especially excited about the Northeast as I haven’t been north of New York. So that is the plan for now- I’m so excited to get started again!

We are home. Well, Adam and Judah and I are home. The kids will be home next week when their grandmother drives them back from Hot Springs.  In Nashville, we switched Mike for Kam, he was off to spend a week with the Lowes and Kam was coming home with us. The drive from Nashville to Richmond was long and mostly easy except for the terrifying rainstorm in the Shenandoah Mountain Pass. When we pulled in that evening, my mom was here at the house after flipping it from our last Airbnb guest.  She had made lentil soup and brought our dogs over from her house after a stop at the groomer. It feels so good to be home.  Adam and I looked at each other as we pulled onto our street, realizing it would be a very long time before we get this much time together again.  This was all worth it.  ALL of it was exactly as it was supposed to be. We learned so much about our family and the country and about the kindness of strangers. We were loved and supported by so many friends and family. We can’t wait to do it next year around the world!

July 21

We ate at a Lebanese place in Memphis that Adam found by some miracle. It was small and the food was excellent.  When they brought us our plates, they sat a giant tray of french fries in front of Judah. I was like, “Whaaa?”  She said, “He ordered them,” and pointed at the baby.  He smiled at the waitress and ate his french fries.  LOL. Kamryn sent us a million texts as we made our way into Nashville.  She was meeting us there with my brother Jake, his wife Jenn, and their son Killian who is Judah’s age. She had spent the last month with them and missed us.  Well, she missed Judah.  We checked into our hotel and met everyone at Anejo Saint nearby. It was so nice to catch up, let the babies grab each other’s faces, and have some cocktails.  Jenn bought matching shirts for the boys which were too ridiculously cute.  We walked over to Station Inn to watch the weekly bluegrass jam.  This is a Nashville icon where thousands of artists have performed.  It was great to be together with all of my siblings and the babies.

 

July 19

We stayed in our Airbnb apartment until around 0800 and packed up and got on the road.  We found a restaurant called the Wooden Spoon in Kansas City that was really good. When we got back on the road, we kept seeing signs for Fantastic Caverns in Springfield, MO. Judah is OBSESSED with going through tunnels.  It has been a big thing every time we go through a tunnel on this trip. This is the ultimate tunnel AND they drive you through the caverns in this old-tie trailer type thing.  We checked how far out of the way it was, it only added about 30 minutes to our driving time, and asked the kids if they wanted to do it.  The results are exactly what we expected.  Luca the great said of course.  Dommy the screentime junkie said he thought we should just stay in the van and get to our destination.  Elia the naysayer just said flat out NO.  Judah was ecstatic.  So we went!  We showed up right before the next tour and got our tickets. The kid played on the big tractor in the waiting area and ate popcorn form the machine. We were first in line to get on the big trailer so we were able to sit up front with the tour guide.  Luca sat in the only bucket seat next to the driver.  The rest of us sat in the tour guide’s cart right behind him. The entrance to the cave was only about 4 feet tall and everyone in the large cart had to duck their heads to avoid getting decapitated. This place was amazing!  It was discovered in the 1800’s by a guy’s dog.  He didn’t go deep into the cave but put out an advertisement to have someone do it for him.  15 teenage girls in the local explorer club showed up.  They were the first to see the inside of this cavern!  It was later used as a speakeasy- they still had the bar and dancefloor on the tour. It was then used as a concert venue.  Now it is all tours.  Dominic got to operate the lights in the cavern on our whole way out- it was very cool. Noah the tour guide did a great job.

We got back on the road and stopped in Branson, MO for lunch/dinner/linner at Grandma’s Goodies and Gumbo.  It was excellent- I’m so happy I got a little bit of Cajun food on this trip. The kids at boudin for the first time, gumbo, and etouffee. So good. We drove to Hot Springs on 100% back roads- there is no highway.  That was stressful but the view of the Ozarks was amazing. When we finally got to Hot Springs it was about 9 pm.  Mammy and Pappy, Adam’s parents, had rented the house next to theirs for our family.  Kathy (Mammy) was supposed to pick up Mike, my brother, and Larry (Pappy) from the airport but both of them were stuck in airports and would have to stay there overnight. We settled in our house full of odd family photos and ancient stuffed animals and went to sleep.

July 20

I woke up to Mike holding Judah in front of my face.  It was so good to see him!! Adam and I have raised him since he was 11 and we miss him so much.  He just graduated from Texas State with a degree in Criminal Justice and is deciding between a number of good options for his future. I’m so grateful he was able to meet us on this trip. We talked for a while and I made breakfast.  We went nextdoor and visited with the while family including Nanny, Adam’s grandmother whom we adore, and Kathy’s brother Michael that lives there with her. Larry had also made it home. Kathy mentioned the bathhouses in downtown Hot Springs so I decided to take a little Mommy break while everyone was visiting. I drove into town alone which was incredibly odd- I haven’t been alone in the car on a long drive in a bit. The downtown area is adorable and packed, I knew I wouldn’t find parking on a Saturday but somehow there was a street spot directly in front of the bathhouse!  I got in the very long line and sat in the blistering heat waiting for my turn to sign up to get into the bathhouse.  It is first come, first served. I called my mom to talk about my dog knocking her over.  We had a very long heated talk

July 21, 2019

I am sitting in the way way back of our new van in the single seat while Adam drives us to the airport to drop off his dad.  Larry is in the passenger seat, Mike is in the middle row with Judah, and I am in the cubby that is the way way back.  The boys may have been exaggerating a bit about the tightness of this spot, it feels plenty comfy to me. However, I have no idea how they have done this for an entire month. They are such good boys, I am desperate with sadness for leaving them.  It has been heavenly to spend this entire month with them.  They are so funny and interesting- I will be lost without them for the next week.  Since I have eaten my weight in Mexican food and every other type of cuisine in the past month, I am going to start a juice cleanse when we get back to Richmond. I won’t have anyone to cook for, it seems like a good time.  In order to prep for this, I have started a Whole 30 without meat type diet.  So mainly just fruits and vegetables.  Hopefully I don’t die. One of my friends assumed I was pregnant when I first saw her on this trip.  I get that a lot but not from my inner circle.  It’s time to address my baby belly once and for all.

July 16

We were in the car for 14 hours on this day.  We got into Centennial, CO and ate at Shawarma.  It was really good Lebanese food which has quickly become our favorite. We drove thirty minutes in the wrong direction to meet Martha (one my by best friends from high school) and her husband Pete at Centennial Center Park.  Evidently, there is also a Centennial Park that is different and far away. We finally made it there as the sun was setting, which takes 2 hours in Colorado.  There was a large splash park and huge park with rock climbing wall and big slides. This place was totally in line with the dangerous but totally fun Seattle Artists at Play Park.  We relaxed on the faux grass and watched the kids play.  Dominic and Luca played a “game” where they stole each other’s sandals and threw/hid them.  This went too far, obviously, and Dominic’s shoe was permanently lost.  Walmart to the rescue on our way back to Martha and Pete’s apartment. We settled into their spare room and slept after a very long day.

July 17

It was so good to be with Martha. I feel so at home with my girlfriends from El Paso.   We ate breakfast and lounged all day at her pool.  Judah was so relieved to spend a full day in a pool and not in a car.  Although, he has been excellent considering the fact he has averaged at least 6 hours in the van every other day.  Martha and I did a little yoga class on our own in her fitness area. The guys grilled hamburgers and made lunch for the kids by the pool.  We took the kids up for a nap after lunch.  The boys watched The Office for a couple of hours- exactly what we needed.  Martha put hair tinsel in Elia’s hair and they did an hour of crafts- they are two peas in a pod. We went for an early dinner at Sabrosa- an actual Mexican restaurant near Martha’s place. We went home and got the kid sin bed early for another long day on the road.  This incredibly relaxing day was exactly what we needed.

July 18

The kids are watching a Series of Unfortunate Events- this day seemed a little bit like that title. Adam and I started the day promising that we would not be fussy with one another.  It was going to be a long trip and neither of us slept very well. We got out at our planned time of 0600. We made excellent time as the kids slept peacefully.  We got about 80 miles out of town and stopped to eat a quick breakfast in Limon, CO.  As we exited, we started hearing a ticking sound like a piece of cardboard was stuck in a fan. This was not good. It got worse as we turned into the gas station. It was only 0700 but I called the local repair places in this tiny town. We grabbed McDonalds (the best option here) and sat at the auto repair shop eating as the mechanics listened to our engine and told us that this problem was fatal. This was devastating for many reasons. We just replaced the whole engine six months ago for a ridiculous amount of money.  The poor van only had 125k miles on it and we planned on keeping it forever, we wanted the kids to use it as their first car.  It was safe, we loved it, it kept us going through so much.  True, only one door opened and it shook violently when we pressed the brake but we loved it.  We very reluctantly made our way to the local car dealership where Trish sold us our first American made car (we had a grand total of 3 minivans to choose from and they all had to be delivered from towns 2 hours away).  So we are now the proud owners of a 2019 Chevy Pacifica. It is fancy.  We had to leave behind our car top carrier, it did not work with the new roof rack, our tarp that has also been with us for over 10 years and was so clutch, a sleeping bag Adam has had since high school, and all of our camping chairs. It was hard but we had no room. We appreciate the hard work those things did for us while we had them.

We got back on the road at 1 pm. We stopped quickly at another dealership on the way to consider another van they pitched us but we liked the one we already had. We made it to Lawrence, KS at about 8:45 pm.  Jason and Susan, our good friends from college, had made a huge beautiful meal for us and even let their kids stay up late (ok my kids may have woken up their youngest when we go there).  We ate smoked lamb, spicy slaw, and drank local beer on their back porch as we watched the kids play in the dark. It was exactly what we needed after this crazy day. They are really some of the nicest people in the whole world. We left them late and went to our very nearby Airbnb where we showered the kids and slipped into bed.  Oh, also I have shingles.  The pain in my back on the right lower middle of my back started about a week ago.  Then, a rash started right on top of the deep muscle pain.  I thought briefly of shingles but not until I saw the blisters yesterday did I realize what I was dealing with.  A stressful event in the past six months can trigger the emergence of shingles which is the virus that creates chickenpox that sleeps in your spine until it feels like emerging. If that made sense. Anyway- there is nothing I can do about it. It hurts so bad, I can’t sleep, I put CBD oil on it and that helps a little.  Fun times!

July 14

Whenever I go to a semi large city, I google “Rocket yoga” knowing that if a studio has rocket yoga it will be the type of yoga I like: fast paced, hard, fun.  So I found a studio in El Paso and got up early to make their morning class.  The owner, who I had already stalked on the website, was checking people in and made no effort to figure out who I was or see if I might be interested in joining her studio which I thought was odd.  The rules sign in the bathroom said “Don’t try to impress anyone.” and “Drama is not tolerated here.” and “Only do what the instructor cues.” These are both signs of a place that is prone to drama and has a complex about not letting people do what feels good to their own bodies. I walked into the beautiful studio with a large Om symbol in the front surrounded by candlelight. I set up my mat and felt the blast of the heater on me and felt very grateful for the infrared panels in my home studio and the welcoming atmosphere of the dojo. I loved the way the class started with a dynamic breathing exercise but then it just continued through the entire 108 degree class.  It was ALL lunges and dynamic breathing with a few vinyasas here and there. The instructor boasted about the rising heat every ten minutes or so to let us know that we got all the way to 110. Not one standing pose or sitting poses, 100% lunges. I sure felt grateful for that savasana at the end- I was bored out of my mind and pretty sure I was having a little heat stroke.  I thanked the instructor for class at the end and she commented about how she knows it’s hard to keep up since its so hot. I learned very much from this studio and class about what I don’t want to do if I ever opened a studio.  I want people to feel good about their bodies, their abilities, I want them to feel welcome, showers, a heated space, filtered water, cold towels for your head, massages during savasana, eclectic and interesting classes, and I want them to get a good workout. I know, it’s a lot to ask.

After yoga, I bought three bottles of juice and drink from the health food store and a pack of natural gum that would later punish me.  I walked around the Target where I used to shop for Christmas gifts with the money I earned mowing lawns as a middle schooler.  I spent a gift card at Dick’s that was expiring- I had a dream that my yoga teacher told me that my bathing suit was inappropriate and I needed to buy a new one.  He was kind of right so I did.

I got back to the house and picked up my kids, Adam, and Sadie to go on a tour of Coffee’s childhood home.  I drive past my grandad’s trailer in the valley that had long been sold, my childhood church and house, and my school that is being demolished along with all of the other schools in El Paso as they improve and condense them. We drove to Chico’s tacos, an iconic El Paso taco spot with cheap flautas drowned in watery spicy tomato sauce and government cheese that is sold in a soup-nazi cash-only fashion with a resident police officer overlooking the giant sitting are where you are lucky to find an empty table. The kids weren’t super impressed- Adam and I couldn’t get enough. It is rare to find non-El Pasoans who love Chico’s but I nabbed one. I took them to Madeline Park where my dad used to take Jake and I on the Sundays he was allowed to have us.  Luca has been working on an arrowhead that he fashioned out of a rock he found at glacier.  He has been looking for the perfect shaft and finally found it at Madeline park.  We played a game the boys taught us called “Gravel” on the big play area before getting back on the road to Fabens.

There is another iconic El Paso steakhouse called Cattleman’s that is about an hour outside El Paso on a ranch where you can tour the zoo full of everything from ostriches to rattlesnakes.  They have hayrides through the countless movie sets that have been filmed there, a giant wooden fort play area where we had to play zombie tag, and a few mazes. The food is excellent and a meal at Cattleman’s complete with touring the grounds usually lasts around 3-4 hours. Jenny Pollet, another of our best friends from elementary school and beyond, met us out there.  We laughed about our very unique upbringing in this city and remembered stories for a full hour before I realized Luca was listening intently.  “Mommy, do you think a Junior Senior drink-off is a good thing to do?” he asked me very judgily later that evening. Sweet funny boy.

We drive by Jessica Kludt’s house to say hello and let the kids terrorize her poor cat, she was another one of our high school best friends. We were incredibly lucky to have the tightest group of crazy party girls who also happened to be smart enough not to get in any SERIOUS trouble and still graduate from high school and go on to good colleges. We supported one another through terrible home situations and all of the other normal teenage girl problems. We lived at one another’s houses and being with them always feels like no time has passed. We drove over Scenic Drive to watch the sun set over El Paso as the kids played on the same rocks we sat on for my 18^th birthday celebration. It felt so good to be home.

July 15

Judah woke up 1,000,000 times during the night so I slept much later than usual and skipped the yoga class I was going to attend with Martha. When I woke up, the kids had been fed and doing crafts all morning. I went to JJ’s to pick up a family pack of gorditas with Luca.  I pointed out all the places along the way.  I thanked him for listening to me ramble.  He said that he loves hearing about my home and all of the good and hard memories I have here. I melted with love.  I showed him the area of homes that used to literally just be boxes dug into the ground that housed newly immigrated families.  My family was extremely poor and completely dysfunctional but we still volunteered with our church every Thanksgiving to create boxes of food and deliver them to this area to people who needed it even more.  That is the magic of El Paso and the reason that El Pasoans freak out with joy when they find another one of us outside the city.  We were raised differently.  We take care of one another.  El Pasoans are caring for the refugees at the border, or they were until Trump forced them to stay in Mexico.  Denis and Martha went to a camp to volunteer every week and make these people feel welcome. I’m proud of my city and the way our families, schools, and communities taught us to care for EVERYONE.

When we got home, we loaded up the van and headed to Wet and Wild Waterworld I-10 Anthony exit ZEROOOOOOO!  This is a waterpark like none other.  They allow you to take whatever you want, including alcohol, into the park in ice chests.  There are BBQ grills at all of the thousands tables that are scattered all over the park under the canopy of trees.  They know we won’t spend money on food in the park- you’ll have everyone in the parking lot at lunch with their coolers and cervezas if you don’t just allow it.  Everyone is so responsible about it and the whole vibe is so relaxed and happy in the park. It was also very very dangerous when I was a kid.  The whole place is built out of this red lava-looking rock stuff that is completely unforgiving if you fall into it.  The ground is burning hot so you are encouraged to run everywhere that isn’t shady.  I watched kids tumble down the “Screamer” when I was little.  This was a six story drop off of one of the mountains.  If you sat up in fear or lack of knowledge or whatever, you would tumble down the slide and hit your limbs on the volcano rocks that surrounded it.  Needless to say, all of the scarier, well MOST of the scarier things were torn down and replaced sometime in the last 20 years.  The 12 foot deep terrifying pool that gave me my fear of pools is still there complete with the ride that is literally just a waterfall into the pool.  Elia loved the other “ride” in the big pool that is a platform that everyone takes turns jumping off of and swimming to the side. She was the tiniest little person in line over and over people would clap for her as she came up and swam to the side every time. Erin, Pollet, and I were sitting on the side watching from a distance so it looked like she was alone. Without fail, some bigger kid or adult would stop and make sure she made it to the side before they continued on their way. This is El Paso. The school district serves free lunch in the park all summer- again so El Paso- so caring.  You can really see your tax dollars at work here in everything- there is no huge divide between the rich and poor- most people live modestly and happily.

We rode the replacement screamer that was now equipped with safety features and a shorter fall. Erin’s nephews went with us and roamed the park with by older boys and Sadie. Elia and Gage were so brave and rode everything, the daddies stayed home with the baby Bubbas. Pollet did not get in at all but enjoyed hanging out with whoever didn’t want to ride. We left and got ready for dinner at Avila’s, my favorite place in El Paso.  Stacy and Brad, Jenny Frerichs (now Jenny Quinn for Phoenix)’s parents met us there with Pollet, Kludt, Erin and Greg and the three oldest of our kids. We had such a nice time catching up- they were some of the many parents who raised us.  Brad was the one who told me to go to Texas for school instead of Texas Tech where I had also gotten in. Stacy helped me with the Rotary Youth Leadership Award and ensuing camp that really changed the way I felt about myself.  She also helped me with rush when I became a Delta Gamma at Texas for three short months. Love. We took pictures by the fountain including one where Kludt is pushing Dominic down on the ground to save her phone that had fallen in the fountain- hahaha.

I took the kids to AJ’s Diner, a soda shop/burger place where I worked in high school.  We had a milk shake and I marveled at how it was exactly the same. We went home and packed.  Erin and Greg filled up our YETI cooler with frozen roasted green chiles. We all said goodnight and goodbye before we went to bed since we were leaving so early in the morning.  It is always so hard to leave them.

July 16, 2019

I had planned to be on the road at 0600 and we actually did it!  We grabbed Whataburger taquitos on the way our of town.  Lots of driving.  We stopped in Las Vegas, NM and ate at Range Café.  We ran around the park and did some handstands and are now just a few hours from Colorado!

July 12

We packed up and checked out by 0800.  We drove out of town and stopped at Hash House a Gogo for breakfast. Adam drove so I could catch up on our travel journal.  Daniel Tiger has been a pretty constant presence in the van for the last few long stretches.  We listen to the same episodes over and over.  There is one where he is singing a song about going to bed that goes “Bathtime, brush teeth, PJs, story and song” we all have our own version for Judah that we sing while Danny T’s song is going.: “Bathtime, Brush teeth, throw fit about it being your turn to brush your teeth only, demand more toothpaste, refuse to put on clothing, run around the house naked and screaming wildly with a hanger in your hand hitting the cat, slip on cat litter and get it all over your naked body, scream at Mommy when she tries to pick you up and get you clean, PJs, slip into bed, freak out, need water immediately, Judah the soldier story, scream during the entire night-night song and prayer sequence about needing Daddy, kiss Daddy, freak out that you don’t have Skeep Monkey and Pink Baby, not be consoled when Daddy shows them that they are already in your bed, finally calm down and say goodnight, start crying that Mommy never tucked you in, get another kiss and tuck from Mommy, say you are going to sleep, show up downstairs 15 minutes later, act like you have no idea why everyone is mad, start crying as soon as you see Mommy because you know you are in trouble, cry as you are tucked in and threatened with a pop pop, sing a very loud song to yourself, maybe sleep.” The kids also have their own versions.  Elia says hers is “Bedtime, pretend to go to sleep, play for an hour.” Dom’s is “Bedtime, pretend to be asleep, read Harry Potter for a few hours.” LOL.

We were originally supposed to camp at the Grand Canyon tonight.  Did I mention it is 115 degrees? I’m sure it would be cooler there but I think we are done camping for now. I spent one year of my childhood in Arizona when I was 5. My dad was at the height of his illegal casino career and we lived in a beautiful resort called the Phoenician for part of that time.  I celebrated my fifth birthday there with at least 100 of my dad’s fanciest richest “friends” as he hosted a casino event during my birthday. I don’t remember much other than the long days at the pool and the fancy breakfasts. I know that my parents divorced shortly afterwards and we moved back to El Paso where my life became very different. I have always wanted to return to that place to see if I remember anything and show Adam the beautiful pools.  We also have a friend who just had a baby in Tempe and wanted to be able to have dinner with her.  So we used our points and I booked it yesterday while sitting in the pool at the Golden Nugget!

We arrived in Phoenix after a very long and beautiful drive through Arizona and Nevada. We stopped at a gas station right outside of town that had an Arby’s. When Kamryn and Michael were little, probably 10 and 4, Adam and I drove up from Austin to pick them up from Wisconsin. We drove 20 hours straight and had about zero dollars, we were still in college.  On the way home, all we could afford was Arby’s to feed them.  We were able to feed everyone for only $10. That was only 13 years ago so I expected it to be somewhat similar as we hadn’t eaten there since.  It was NOT similar.  ONE sandwich is $5! I threw a mini fit at the register before ordering five of the overpriced “meat” sandwiches.  After we finished eating, I reorganized the van and packed up our overnight bag so we could avoid doing that in the valet area at the Phoenician. When drove up to the Phoenician the valets eyed our taped up door.  They took the keys from Adam and we collected our crew.  They followed us into the hotel and told us that our valet parking would be free.  They were very sweet and it definitely looked like we could not afford to be there.  This place is insane.  There is a pool that is lined with Mother of Pearl, the whole place is filled with beautiful art, the clientele is largely people with lots of money who don’t have to work.  They served homemade ice cream cones as I checked in.

I had booked a double queen room and when I opened the door she had upgraded us to a room with a pullout and a balcony so everyone had a big cozy bed and we had a place to dry our bathing suits.  The bathroom was gorgeous and had a huge soaking tub and separate large shower. We changed into our suits and played in the pools, slides, and splash pad. The are servers walking around with jugs of water as everyone lounges.  They kept putting toys in the pools for the kids.  We all had a great time in the cool water at 100 degree desert heat.  The hotel is nestled in the beautiful red rock desert mountains and feels like an oasis.  Judah felt especially fancy as he pooped in his reusable swim diaper. I calmly ran-walked him to the outdoor bathroom that was of course beautiful and marble and not the place for a disgusting poop diaper or even us in general. I frantically washed it in the toilet and him in the sink praying that no one would walk in on this spectacle.  Success.  I got him settled and we played for another hour when I smelled it again. This time, I told everyone it was time to go and took him back to our room where I used a whole bar of perfumed facial soap to hand wash the reusable swimmy diaper.  Thank goodness he had it on, it would have gone right through a disposable swimmy.

We showered and got ready for dinner with Jenny, one of my best friends from high school, and her family.  We met at a place called Hamburgers and Cold Beer or something like that.  It was perfect, the kids were really well behaved but it was so loud and there were so many other kids that it wouldn’t have been noticed if they didn’t.  As soon as we walked in and I saw Jenny, we started crying.  It has been a long time since we have seen each other and we stopped talking for a few years which was really hard for me. It was so comforting to see her and see her in such a happy place with her husband and new sweet baby.  My kids were obsessed with baby Roland and ALL kept trying to hold him.  Jenny was so sweet about it and even let them feed him a bottle! We had a great talk and caught up about everything. It was so easy and was as if no time had passed. We took pictures, gave hugs, and promised not to let so much time pass.

When we got back to the hotel I ordered a glass of wine from the bar and Adam and I sat on our balcony talking in the dry heat of the night while the kids slept. It was so good to be back in this place thirty years later and make new loving memories.

July 13

We were waiting outside the hotel restaurant as it opened the next morning, we had a very long day planned.  Mowry and Cotton is gorgeous and the menu is perfect.  We ordered a starter of doughnuts with a goat cheese cream and cajeta- I know I said we don’t eat donuts but did you hear cajeta and goat cheese cream?  They were insane.  I ordered bagel with lox- my mom said that’s what she always ate for breakfast there, Adam had Huevos Rancheros, the kids had a Buddha bowl which was essentially healthy breakfast ice cream with pineapple and goji berries, and some eggs and chimichurri potatoes.  It was excellent and all included with our reservation! We packed up and got out of there very early- the valets were very sweet again and interested in our long trip.

It was six hours to Ol’ Mesilla in Las Cruces, NM.  This is an historically preserved area that looks very much like it did in the 1800’s because they declined to let the railroad go through and essentially became a ghost town when Las Cruces embraced the railroad and the business it brought. We ate at La Posta which is a Mexican restaurant with ok food and excellent ambiance.  They have a huge cage of parrots when you walk in. One of them had a full conversation with Judah. They have the fountain and all of the requisite things a Mexican restaurant should have.  After we ate, we wandered around a bit and bought little things that Jake and I had when we were little: a bag of polished rocks, a tiny box of worry dolls, a Las Cruces t-shirt, and a BOW AND ARROW for Judah the soldier.  He sleeps with it now. We were supposed to go to White Sands before we went to El Paso and it is the reason we left Phoenix so early instead of visiting.  I had planned on getting there around sunset but we made such great time that it was still early and about 105 degrees.  We very sadly decided to skip it and go to El Paso to do laundry, regroup, clean out our van, and play with our fun cousins. Auntie Erin was the instigator of this idea and was pleased with our change of plans.  El Paso has changed so much since I left for college in 2003. I loved growing up in this beautiful border town but I knew I needed/wanted more.  It has really grown up since I’ve been gone and was almost unrecognizable. We pulled into Erin’s parents house on the mountain and began the cleaning. This van was SICK.  We don’t allow the kids to eat anything other than little snacks in the van so it stays pretty clean but between the science, art supplies, pecans, and electronics- it was GROSS.  I cleaned while Denis and Martha (Al and Marnie) took the whole group to the park with the Daddies and Erin and I caught up.

As soon as we walked in, Erin realized that her youngest Sawyer was coming down with the terrible thing her other kids had previously (the same thing all of our kids had right before we left).  So he stayed home for the whole trip but it worked out well.  Erin’s kids are the same age as my kids and they all play so well together and really seem to like each other.  We refer to them as cousins and they see them more than they see any other cousins. Al and Marnie kept the kids loaded up on snacks, sweets, and movies the whole time we were there- they obviously love being grandparents. We all caught up that evening as the kids played and I washed a million loads of laundry. It felt so good to be back in my hometown with my people.

July 11

We woke up cold but not freezing in our cozy little tent.  Elia was in Luca’s sleeping bag with him.  He said she woke him up around 0100 with her teeth chattering so he let her share.  She got the LIDL ultra thin sleeping bag so this makes sense. He is such a good boy. Everyone wanted to stay in our cozy beds and just hang out and we did for just a little bit but we really needed to get on the road.  We packed up our campsite at lightening speed and left the pretty place.  The waterfall was such a good noise machine for me.  I only heard footsteps once and I was too tired to really wake up and think about it.

We drove into the closest town at paid $4.50!!!! a gallon for gas while we ate nutzo (the best non-peanut butter spread) sandwiches out of the back of the van and people again assumed we were homeless in this very expensive vacation town. The kids really had to choke down these sandwiches- by “kids” I mean all of us.  I just had the bread, the bananas, and the nutzo and I really didn’t want to waste time or money at one of these tourist trap grub hubs. We drove though the absolutely gorgeous scenery between Yosemite and Las Vegas and saw approximately ZERO towns, gas stations, anything for about 200 miles.  What would you do if you ran out of gas?! At some points, it was just a one lane one way road weaving at 25 mph through the craggy rocks and black sand mountains. It was so peaceful and the air smelled like sandalwood- so beautiful. We eventually found a town that was basically just a brothel- we knew we were in Nevada.  By the time we got into Vegas, we were very hot and so ready to be out of the van.  We ate the rest of the bread, pecans, carrots, protein bars, and coconut water for “lunch”.  I also stopped one million times for Adam to pee.  To be fair, I threatened everyone with certain illness if they didn’t hydrate in the desert. I held it for hours before I just couldn’t and pulled over in the middle of the desert and buddy-peed with Adam holding my hands as I squatted in the desert.  The kids were disgusted with me.  I was like, really? With all the gross thigs I’ve seen you guys do?!

We saw the beautiful skyline and got excited about our favorite city.  I explained to Luca as we strolled through the Magnificent Mile later that I think I love Vegas so much because it is a do-ers relaxation destination. I’m not happy to relax by lying on a beach all day. I love the beach but I want to be doing something. Vegas is full of ways to relax by doing things: sight seeing, gambling, eating, shows, dancing, and trying a million new experiences.  Anyway, we dropped Adam off at Bellagio so he could play poker for the afternoon and get a little bit of alone time. I took the kids back over to Fremont street to check in at the Golden Nugget.  We have never stayed downtown before, we usually stay at the very expensive fancy places on the strip when I can find good deals.  When we were visiting for Mike’s 21^st birthday, we went down to Fremont and saw how fun and easy it was.  We knew if we came back that we would stay at the Golden Nugget with its shark pool and proximity to everything. The tables are cheaper, the people are friendlier, there are far fewer super drunk 20-somethings in Armani suits, the people watching is superb, its just a friendlier place for a family than the strip- also far less crowded. So we valeted our car- lol always such a fun experience- they had a perfect spot for our giant van with car top carrier. The five of us carried all of our bags into the lobby and got in the giant line to check in.  Immediately, a hostess grabbed us and took us to another line on the other side of the hotel that only had a couple of people in it!  So lucky! The clerk was so kind as a juggled Judah and our check in.  We upgraded our already very cheap room for a little more space and headed up the non-smoking tower to out 15^th floor corner suite with a great view of the city.  The room had a king bed, a sectional couch, and two huge arm chairs that we pushed to together to make a pretty sick bed for Judah. Housekeeping brought us three more blankets and we had plenty of pillows in the room to give everyone a very comfy space and still have plenty of room.  I could never squeeze my whole family into a room on the strip for under $100 (with the upgrade!!)

We changed into our suits and headed down to the pool.  It has a dry 115 outside and the pool felt so nice.  I posted up on one of the loungers that sits in the shallow part of the pool and watched the kids play.  So relaxing, the kids were so happy, so nice and cool, such good people watching. I took Elia and Dominic down the slide that weaved through the shark tank as Luca, who inherited my irrational fears relating to water and water rides, watched Judah.  The baby SCREAMED the whole time as Luca held him in the lounger outside the pool.  They were in towels, ready to get out but Judah wanted me in  his sight at all times. I watched the whole thing from the slide line. The people around them slowly left except for this group of guys who smiled and laughed.  The slide was super fun, Elia loved it.  I thanked the guys for being so nice about Judah screaming, they said they had kids and got it. Luca said a lady was yelling at him and shooting him mean looks telling him to shut up that kid. She left, thank goodness for her.  I told Luca some people are just sad with themselves and it makes them be mean to others.  I’m glad she wasn’t there, I would have been tempted to be ugly back at her. We showered and drove back to the strip to meet Adam for dinner at the Caesars buffet.  He waited forever for us as we turned down wrong streets, got stuck in wrong places, and finally found the oversize parking area in Bally’s and happened to see the security guard who had to unlock it and let us in. We rush walked the 10 miles to Caesars and told Adam to get in line.  He called us right back and said the wait would be 3 hours!!!!! Remember, these starving kids have literally been eating water and scraps of bread all day. We swerved and decided to go to the Wicked Spoon at the Cosmopolitan and fully expected a long wait but not 3 hours! Judah needed to be carried this whole time of course, I am dripping sweat and lugging four kids and a backpack as we arrive at Wicked Spoon. The lovely hostess tells me the littles will eat free and immediately seats us as we wait for Adam.  It was meant to be.  The food here is also very good, Caesars is just the mecca of food. We had been building up the buffet for weeks with the kids so they were a tiny bit disappointed until they saw the dessert bar at Wicked Spoon and all was forgotten. Adam got there and I relaxed and enjoyed my first real meal of the day at 7 pm. Judah was SO GOOD during dinner.  He has started saying “Ok” and “Yep” in the smallest cutest way when we ask him to do things. Such a great meal for half the price and no wait!

We walked over to the Bellagio fountains and got there just in time to watch the show.  A man moved so the kids could get up front since it was their first time- so nice. We walked through the cloud painted ceiling path at Magnificent Mile to our sweet spot in oversize parking. I also grabbed a pair of Lululemon shorts half off since I brought exactly one pair on this trip. We drove back downtown and nabbed an upfront valet spot for $20 at Golden Nugget and got there just in time to see the show on the light ceiling on Fremont.  They happened to be playing the same Imagine Dragons show they were playing when we came with Mike 2 years ago! They kids watched with wide sleepy eyes.  We got up to our room, tucked them in, and I went back downstairs to play craps for a little bit. We actually made money this trip- I think the time limit helped.  I was in bed by midnight and slept so peacefully.

July 9

We packed up and shipped out early on the morning.  We ate the farm fresh eggs the host left in the fridge for us and got on the road. Lots of movies, talking, and Michelle Obama.  Adam and I are getting serious about budgeting, getting healthier, and planning for next year.  We made a little budget as we drove and found that we should be able to meet many our goals this year if we can make good choices. We stopped at an all you can eat sushi spot in Sacramento which made the boys very happy. We stopped in Merced and played at a park in the heat. I read a book called “The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down” in grad school in Austin about being in the healthcare system as a non-English speaking poor immigrant.  I think about it all of the time, it really influenced my already very sensitive empathetic tendencies. It also introduced me to the idea of the “dab” an evil spirit that hangs around a place or a time frame.  We get dabs every now and then- bad moods or areas where people get hurt more often. It also made me mindful about my placenta, my dad’s ashes, and peoples’ wishes regarding organic matter in general. Anyway, it is a true story based in Merced in the Hmong community and is excellent.

We made it to Mariposa and ate at a very subpar “Mexican” restaurant.  We were mistaken in thinking that California would have a better chance at good Mexican food than Virginia. We bought groceries for camping the next day and drove the dark dirt roads out to our Airbnb.  I paid for one room in this house and it cost me more than most of the places we stayed at in general.  There is just nothing near the entrance to Yosemite. The hose was actually lovely. A big farm house set up as a BnB.  There was plenty of room for the kids on the floor in their sleeping bags and Adam and I shared the queen bed.  Other than the barking dogs that forced me to close the window, it was a great spot.

July 10

Breakfast in the BnB was amazing.  We ate with a few other people who were staying there and packe dup our van.  They told us to find a parking spot and just take the free shuttles through Yosemite because it is impossible to drive form place to place like we normally do.  With this in mind, we rushed to the first parking area in the park after using Dom’s pass to get us in.  They always ask his permission when we enter like, “Are you sure about them using this?” As we drive into the park, El Capitan came into view and took my breath away.  I can’t believe that guy soloed this thing.  It is utterly unbelievable.  Watch Free Solo if you haven’t seen it- it’s a movie about a real guy climbing the whole thing without any ropes.  We watched it with the boys before we came so they were equally dumbstruck. WE got on the shuttle once we parked and got a better look at El Capitan on a little beach.  The kids ran around, I did handstands, Adam went for a little walk around. We got back on the shuttle and went to Mirror Lake for the little two-mile hike.  The kids complained a bit.  We stopped for a picnic from our backpack at the lake while Judah got completely wet and the rest got into their knees. Judah walked the rest of the hike in a diaper before I put him back in the change of clothes I just knew he would need.  Adam turned back with the littles while the boys and I explored a bit.  Luca went down a hiking path alone for a minute and promised he would meet up with Dom and I in a small time. Dom started getting very worried about his big brother around 10 minutes later- I honestly did too but tried to look fine.  I am really trying to allow as much freedom as I can when they ask for it. I want so badly for them to be independent when its time for them to leave me. Luca found us and we met back up with the family and rode the bus back to our van.  We saw half dome and the three brothers and our GYPSY guide took us to Mariposa grove to see the giant sequoias.  We took the long road to the east exit where there was still snow all over the ground.  We were honestly not in love with Yosemite.  I think we did it wrong.  We should have just done our GYPSY guide and never gotten on a shuttle. We also maybe should have rented bikes.  Next time. We made it out of the park just in time to drive through Lee Vining and get to the town of Mammoth.  This place is super swanky. Cabins and glamping and fancy shops. Our camping village was next to a waterfall and giant lake.  The weather was a perfect 68 when we arrived.  After a little bit on confusion about our assigned spot, we set up our tent and fire- Luca has become such a big helper- and made a taco salad dinner that was insanely good.  Quick smores, feet washing in the bathroom, and cozying up in the tent.